In The Summer of 2011

For what seems like ages, I have been getting up about at about noon each day to read the news; review what I have missed on twitter and cleaning up and already clean home.... Not being in school has been profitable and worrisome at the same time. There is this inner quarrel always engaging the successful debate. Have you done enough? have you done what you were supposed to do? Have you failed in your attempt at this thing called life. Many of these days, I am comfortable enough to allow the thoughts to rage on without much input from me and all the while steadily being confronted by phone calls that seek to diminish ones maladjustment.

Shortly after commencement, I began laying the groundwork for my recording. Something, I have dreamed about but due to school and the necessity of work, was unable to do wholly. After the first recording session, I realized then and know now that Gospel Music does not have an on or off switch; neither does jazz or the soul for that matter. If you cannot get into the groove of something, sometimes it is because that something is foreign and is not a good fit or there may be your own hidden inhibitions will attempt to keep you from your promise.... I think you must determine early on, how much of a fight are you willing to put up.. How eager are you to see your dream become a reality.

For me, I believe I needed some time in the wilderness to observe and appreciate the value of where I am headed. I am struggling with focus.... I have tooo many dern things in my mind..... I think I will let you know what they are just to give you an idea for how thick my mind is at this moment...

One one hand my heart is to sing, to use this gift for more than a emotional church song or an emphatic club groove. I want to sing about the struggles of growing up wayward and living with a maladjustment to society. I want sing songs about how the cross influences all... bigotry and love....I want to sing about the soul of mankind.... the issues and tissues that keep up apart but keep us together at the same time.

I really want to sing about how you can be sooooo in love with yourself that you dont have enough love for the ones who really love you.... I want to sing about humanity and its ills towards its own.... I want to sing about the fight and plight of little boys and girls who are born into calamity and are given the arduous take of making sense out of mess... A song for the child who hears sermons on sunday and gets beat on sunday night.... songs for the homeless whose eyes have watched in horror as family and hopes are dashed against the bricks of an american dream.

I think my songs would engage the community on its hatred for gays but its love ethic for men and women who whore monger.

I think my songs would engage the church and its construction of our christo- communal identities that dont correlate with centralized realities.

What happens when who God is and What God does in your life is not the same in shared community? What happens when you dont see God as a pie in the sky relic but as a interpersonal guide that ushers an inward journey?

Another thing that is staying in my mind is how the community views itself....

What is community? what forms community? what are shared elements within a community? and is faith even at its most basic level still an act of community?

Additionally, I have my sights on doing PhD; to one day join the academy and ultimately lead my undergraduate institution.

Another interesting element is for the first time in my life; I see the vision of my leader.