Stress, Struggle and Strength

Stress - It has been a while since I have blogged or even thought about writing at length. Even at this moment, I am sitting here trying to figure out where to start. As Jonathan McReynolds Lovin' me plays in my ear I think of the constant frustrations that I have concerning myself. At the age of 32, weeks away from 33 I am beginning to wrestle for the first time with thoughts of adequacy and wondering if I have fallen behind in some sense. Have I made a tremendous mistake in choosing my own happiness and love of solitude? Rather than marrying one of the women from my past? Am I making a strategic mistake by staying where I am with hopes of career growth? Or should I be patient and see what happens in the next two years and then consider a move back east or to the south? In addition to the questions above, I pose other questions to myself daily in the hope of motivating myself to see more than what I see. In the bible, David, a noted figure seemingly experienced a similar struggle. In Psalm 27:13-14, he posits that the hope of the hereafter while promising does not negate the natural need to feel empowered by what we see daily. Of course, my interpretation of this Psalm could lead some to believe that it is a lack of faith that inclines us to have doubts about our lives and I would push back to say that it is a result of my faith in God that I engage in this dialectic in the first place. We have to believe in God's existence in order to wonder why God does what God does or more specifically, why the life-map that God has for us is not always visible. Struggle - My mother in my crown-jewel and this might be because I learned what self-less love looked like from her. From the cradle to now, I have watched my mother tirelessly give her all in motherhood. Through the personal sacrifices that she made for me and my siblings, I discovered the powerful potential of love. In this vein, I have viewed every woman who I believed to be even somewhat suitable as a life-long companion. Do you have the ability to support a family like this black woman from the heart of the midwest? My mother for the past 25 years at least has dealt with overcoming health obstacles that many believed would prove to be fatal. I can recall vividly a December evening, watching my mom prepare to bathe after coming home from work and viewing her hands. Her fingers were purple, not kinda purple but vibrant purple and since Ohio winters are not easy on any of us, I wondered by her fingers looked like that. I surmised working hard, cooking and cleaning around the house were sure to blame for this assault on her body. I learned later that my mom had Reynauds Phenomena/Syndrome. This explained only part of the reason why my mom began to struggle with her health. She also was informed a few months later that she had scleroderma. The doctors told her that she would not live more than 5 years past that time, because of how far the disease had progressed. Mom, decided to ignore the skeptics and not live according to their prognosis but to upend the scripts. Now, fast forward past the birthdays that she was not supposed to live to see to today. When she is hospitalized with pains all in her body, I realized that I could not stomach the thought of seeing her differently than I know her to be. My mom told me 5 years ago, as I was preparing to graduate from Emory Univeristy, that If I came home every time she got ill, then I would never have a life. If I need you home, I will call for you. So, since this last hospitalization I have struggled with so many questions, Should I go home if for no other reason than to support my siblings and family in their care for my mom? Or is my decision to go home a secret resignation within myself that all hope is lost? I do not know the answer to this question, but it is one in which I continue to wrestle. Strength -

Sunday Morning Freedom - Credo -puto - ego interrogo ( I believe, I think and I question)


Is the modern church really a spiritual marketplace? Just reflecting! I suggest that the modern church no longer reflects its origin. In some cases, It no longer is a place of revitalization, refuge or rest from worry. It has become a place where people come to feel better about themselves, not to be challenged to do more for a commonly callous, cold and rigid minded society.  I love God, but have serious concerns that reflect my experiences as of late with the Christian Church. As a scholar, I realize that creating a normative off of one's personal experiences is not only problematic, but is symptomatic of irrationality and isolates personal opinion towards a point of piety over and against the thoughts of others. However, my Sunday morning experiences as a Baptist preacher, theologian and now a practitioner of the faith have created points of divergence for me that I am choosing air out not simply locally, but Globally.  I suspect that many have become weary of systematic Sunday attendance and weekly meetings among groups of people who profess love for God, but are ignorant of the life experiences connected to the poor, not considerate of the religious experiences that cross cultural lines and habitually obfuscate Christocentric Principals in effort to further marginalize the those with whom we share differences in doctrine and opinion. 

One is either bereft of faith in the human condition, or  could aptly charge God with Divine neglect. What kind of Divine Caretaker would allow such things to happen in its name? Does God answer the request of those with whom the church has deemed heretic in behavior or for people whose questions get no human answers? I suspect the answer would be no, because I consider myself not only a believer, but a doer. I cant for the life of me, continue to act as though the church has it right, no! We have surrendered in some instances, our prophetic garments, (our ability to speak truth to power) to "christian" power brokers. We are a spiritual marketplace with a rich history, but have a poisonous hostility to helping others. We ignore the entire 6th chapter of Matthew,  and have rewritten our church charters to ignore  this verse entirely 19“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.20“But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys, and where thieves do not break in or steal;21for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.  Churches are bankrolling on a epic scale, while members suffer drastically. Churches are not simply communities of faith, but have become monuments of wealth to the detriment and health of its own.   Diabetes, AIDS/HIV, Hunger, Elder Abuse and Neglect don't make it onto the Sunday program. No one talks about sexual molestation and the pedigree to which the church must continue to sound the trumpet on human trafficking. Educational disparities continue to entrap generations as the poor loose their footing on a cliff of inescapable depths. Have you considered the impact on a community a 10 million dollar facility has? What if churches began giving back as much as they recieve? I got angry recently when I picked up a offering envelope and read the familiar phrase 10% to God through the church, I had to ask this question, How much is God getting? What is God getting? This is no assault of the tithing, but rather an exposition on what are we doing with the resources that we have!  The church no longer focuses on the heart and soul of its community but on the brick and mortar. We build elaborate facilities to house anywhere between, dozens and thousands on a Sunday morning. Our culture has become Sanctuary oriented rather than community driven. Now, I don't hold hostage those communities of faith which are counter cultural to this trend, but if truth be told these are few and far in between. 

 Now, often in these forums a scholar easily points out issues that many of us understand, but neglects to give practical advice for a change. This writer is given to critique and moved towards action. How about we start this new year off by removing chains. I suggest we remove the chains from women and minorities. Duke University's National Congregations Study estimates that 56 million people fill the pews on any given sunday, excluding catholic and orthodox churches. An October of 2003 U.S. Congregational Life Survey – Key Findings found that On any given Sunday there are 13 million more adult women than men in America’s churches. Yet women, make up only 22% of the positions of leadership within the church, according the the Hartford Seminary's Congregational Self Identification Survey, 2010. Set the women free; free from cultural formations enshrined in our religious community by bad readings of the Holy Writ. Set women free for ministry, free to minister as God provides wisdom, counsel and anointing. 

Now on to a more controversial, but nonetheless important. Gay's, Lesbians, Transgender, Queer, Othered and those who questioning.. Set them free; God did not tie sexuality into the equation of anointing nor does God as exhibited by Christ never mentioning it in his 33 year sojourn, find fault in a persons sexuality. I for one don't believe that I am any more anointed than any of my brothers and sisters in the ministry who are gay, lesbian and the like. We all derive our strength from the same source and for the church to continually become a place where its best examples of God's grace find themselves on the receiving end of hateful, spiteful and painful messages is less about God's intention and more about the spread of Hyper-masculinity and the over sensitivity to cultural norms that are archaic and without any significant biblical root.  One might ask me, rather quizzically, are you saying that we should not preach the bible, my response is frank and vivid, No! The bible is the rooted text of our tradition, but I am saying we should read the text better, in community and not eisegete text in hopes of creating agenda's or to marginalize a particular population with which you disagree. Love is the common denominator within this text, it was for cause of Love, that Christ came, lived and died. We should use that love ethic to better manage the spiritual functions of our community. Let us set them free: Free from the constraints of our paradoxical theological formations , which ask them to present their gifts to God in ministry, but dually subjugating them as second class Christians or Christians waiting in an extended candidacy for full Christian credentials. We will allow them to preach a in season word, minister from the instruments of our sanctuaries, while they sit chained to our oppressive and often convoluted tirades in the form of  sermons, which demote their human worth to what occurs in the privacy of their bedrooms or questioning their agency to love whomever.
 Set them free and allow God to work as God chooses with whom God chooses. 

Next week, I will discuss, AIDS, and how the church needs to function as refuge and not the place where those with the disease are made to feel like stepchildren of the faith.

But this is a just a start! Your thoughts~

2012 - The Year of Political Constipation......

2012 began ice cold.......... America in a bitter political fracas over debt, debt limits and the economy. Washington power politics and partisan pressures allow America's credit rating to be downgraded. President Obama is rendered powerless in the face of a staunchly raucous Tea Party spirited conservative majority in the House and a filibuster savvy conservative minority in the Senate is unable to pass any serious legislation prior to the impending Presidential Election. Money.... Money as the primary source of all our political frustrations, personal problems and societal woes. Who has it, who controls it and who gets to spend it! Americans, nationwide, are struggling to make ends meet, foreclosures are decimating communities like plagues, hunger is equally rampant in urban areas and suburbs.

 The term food stamp president is affixed to a millionaire president for political gain, while millions of people nationwide are displaced daily by banks, billionaires and their government. Who speaks for the poor? who speaks for the marginalized? America is battling itself for an identity, a collective consciousness, a dispirited battle for control over America's future ensues and yet, the poor have no voice. Noted American cleric, William Sloane Coffin once said, When the rich take from the poor, it's called an economic plan. When the poor take from the rich, it’s called class warfare. Coffin's words prophetically forecasted the Presidential Election's main issue. The Poor vs. The Rich! Governor Romney's 47% quote was named the comment of the year, not because the comment was simply insensitive, nonsensical and politically tragic, it’s because Romney put words to a belief privately held by conservatives nationwide. The poor simply vote democratic without question. Governor Romney, like his republican counterparts, Rupert Murdoch, The Koch Brothers, Sheldon Adelson, Karl Rove's long list of Billionaire Buddies, Wall Street and K street cronies all put their money where their politics resided. They bet against American ingenuity, they bet against the American public's resolve to have a voice. 

They (Romney cohorts, campaigners and defenders) all believed that their money would decide the election. They purchased candidates who ignored the issues facing minorities, used repulsive religious rhetoric to silence women, gays and the poor. Money was their weapon, finances were their virtue. They had airtime, had purchased commercials, but were not able to galvanize the attention of the American public, whose cultural dynamics had changed. Bill Morris, Dick Armey all bet on this angry white male and lost....They appealed to "middle America"; focused on the angry white male. One could suggest that they believed that if they could make this white male angry enough, he would "take back" America. This male would vote his financial interests and vote against this illegitimate, Kenyan president, whose vision for America was different than the America that our forefathers believed in. You would think that in all of this, they would have sought to bring a candidate that offered distinct differences and a credible record. They didn't! They bet against the same American ingenuity that catapulted President Obama into office in November of 2008. They lost their bet, because not only had the angry white male lost his job, he received unemployment insurance, he received food stamps and he too, like the rest of America realized that they were a part of this 47%. No longer can America continue to ignore the poor. The poor people’s movement of the 60's commanded Martin Luther King's attention. The Poor Peoples movement of the present requires our attention. Poor people finance America’s wars, pay for congressional inactivity and support the very programs conservatives are attempting to cut. Often, they don't get a voice in the public sphere, because they are too busy using public transit to shuttle between multiple jobs and feeding multiple mouths on mini budgets. Poor people in America have a much steeper hill to climb and politically the 2012 banter has discussed a poor persons' fiscal cliff. Deciding daily whether to walk to work, or to pay for prescriptions. Ignoring chest pains for fear of the hospital bills, having to decide whether to pay for food or for heat. These questions flow daily through the mind of our nations working poor and for once, America is a position where they have to discuss the same thing.... that's what happened in 2012, the poor came from under their broken tent cities, they emerged from their dilapidated communities and voted.... they voted their pocketbook, and in some cases they voted for a chance to have a pocketbook. Gov. Romney, the poor were not seeking handouts, they were seeking compassion and a chance to dream a sometimes impossible dream; Economic Independence!

Zeitgeist- The Spirit of the times (correct me if I screwed it up, scholars)

This weekend, in a random conversation with one of my friends, we discussed whether the modern church has positioned itself for vitality beyond this generation. Has the church become so loosely affiliated with the mission of Christ that it no longer has a spot in the future. With any organization or business, the initial foundation is always central to the core of the business. Now, Carlo, a 32 year old Assistant Professor of English and self actuated religious skeptic argued that because the modern church is based more on Doctrines articulated by Paul than the life/acts and love ethic of Christ; it was doomed to fail at some point anyhow.

My friend Carlo said, "Churches for the most part are missing the mark" I had to wonder, what mark? The modern churchs' mantra has focused on building bigger sanctuaries, but leaving education in its wake. Huge sanctuaries serve as the yearly goals of most Pastors. Although a generality, I had to consider this viewpoint. If we were honest about it, success often equated with satisfaction. This is true in business and more relevantly, its true in the church. Music, Message and Methodology are the three M's of the modern church. If you have the right music, people will come. If you have the right message, people will listen and your methodology of the aforementioned will spell out whether your church is a failure or success. Filling the pews in order to make budget is a painstakingly true reality of today's church, and maybe it has been. The message of the church is motivated by the attendee's right? A Pastor does not run a church for an audience of one. No one wants to admit it, but yes we are called to the numbers game. We preach, sweat and bleed in an effort to fill the pews. Some of us sacrifice common sense and good health in order to see a full sanctuary on a Sunday morning.Preacher's learn early on that their goal should be that each and every soul gets saved. So, we should admit that we wait for people to come down that aisle not just to give God their heart, but to become an active participant in the faith community, and if we are lucky, a tither. However, I must openly question whether our tactics serve us? Or serve this present age, our calling to fulfill. In this day and age, we are challenged to dilute some text, while altogether ignoring others. We engage in body politics, arguing whether God can love someone who is gay, or deciding for God who gets in and who does not. Make no mistake about it, I dont write this post with the intention of providing a answer but that we take this moment to answer some critical questions, Is this the church that Jesus envisioned? If yes, how,and if no, why not?

My Suggestion

If the modern church is to secure its stake in society it must be more than a house for sporadic encouragement. Every church community must decide what issues are of most importance to them, what social issues within society they can lay claim to. People dont only need to be encouraged, they need an answer. While answers are not plentiful, some do exist. How about using some of those funds, for new pulpit furniture to help pay the rent of some of your struggling congregants. I can openly admit, that I experienced this type of ministry and it made the purpose of church (community) all the more real for me. Jesus, if he is the archetype of the church did not major in committee formation, he did the work of the ministry. Feeding the hungry should not be a ministry that can be contracted out, its a function of the church. What is the modus operendi of the church?

I would argue that Jesus's statement of purpose would give us some much needed insight, he states in Luke 4:18,

The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed....

The church should major in working with the "least of these" and minor in church building, because I wholeheartedly believe that if the Church does the work, God will handle the numbers.....

In The Summer of 2011

For what seems like ages, I have been getting up about at about noon each day to read the news; review what I have missed on twitter and cleaning up and already clean home.... Not being in school has been profitable and worrisome at the same time. There is this inner quarrel always engaging the successful debate. Have you done enough? have you done what you were supposed to do? Have you failed in your attempt at this thing called life. Many of these days, I am comfortable enough to allow the thoughts to rage on without much input from me and all the while steadily being confronted by phone calls that seek to diminish ones maladjustment.

Shortly after commencement, I began laying the groundwork for my recording. Something, I have dreamed about but due to school and the necessity of work, was unable to do wholly. After the first recording session, I realized then and know now that Gospel Music does not have an on or off switch; neither does jazz or the soul for that matter. If you cannot get into the groove of something, sometimes it is because that something is foreign and is not a good fit or there may be your own hidden inhibitions will attempt to keep you from your promise.... I think you must determine early on, how much of a fight are you willing to put up.. How eager are you to see your dream become a reality.

For me, I believe I needed some time in the wilderness to observe and appreciate the value of where I am headed. I am struggling with focus.... I have tooo many dern things in my mind..... I think I will let you know what they are just to give you an idea for how thick my mind is at this moment...

One one hand my heart is to sing, to use this gift for more than a emotional church song or an emphatic club groove. I want to sing about the struggles of growing up wayward and living with a maladjustment to society. I want sing songs about how the cross influences all... bigotry and love....I want to sing about the soul of mankind.... the issues and tissues that keep up apart but keep us together at the same time.

I really want to sing about how you can be sooooo in love with yourself that you dont have enough love for the ones who really love you.... I want to sing about humanity and its ills towards its own.... I want to sing about the fight and plight of little boys and girls who are born into calamity and are given the arduous take of making sense out of mess... A song for the child who hears sermons on sunday and gets beat on sunday night.... songs for the homeless whose eyes have watched in horror as family and hopes are dashed against the bricks of an american dream.

I think my songs would engage the community on its hatred for gays but its love ethic for men and women who whore monger.

I think my songs would engage the church and its construction of our christo- communal identities that dont correlate with centralized realities.

What happens when who God is and What God does in your life is not the same in shared community? What happens when you dont see God as a pie in the sky relic but as a interpersonal guide that ushers an inward journey?

Another thing that is staying in my mind is how the community views itself....

What is community? what forms community? what are shared elements within a community? and is faith even at its most basic level still an act of community?

Additionally, I have my sights on doing PhD; to one day join the academy and ultimately lead my undergraduate institution.

Another interesting element is for the first time in my life; I see the vision of my leader.

A Word in This Season

A few times in life, one reflects on their past decisions. The situations that we left undone, the life that one has up until this point. In the midst of these moments, we wonder both aloud and in our own solemn sacred space about the impact we have made on humanity. No one wants their life to be lived without purpose; while some lives may end in this manner; I doubt highly that this was the initial intent. So much so is the case for me on today. In moments of great frustration, while I am inclined to write; I attempt to pace myself and wait till I am able to calm down and write coherent and complete thoughts.

So here it goes, One of my greatest challenges in life is attempting to Love people when you dont receive love in return. Quite possibly for me; love is the unrelenting audacity to hope against hope for the betterment and success of the other. In Smoke on the Mountain- Joy Davidman, C.S. Lewis's wife stated;

For many contemporaries God has dwindled into a noble abstraction, a tendency of history, a goal of evolution; has thinned out into a concept useful for organizing world peace - a good thing as an idea. But not the Word made flesh, who died for us and rose again from the dead. Not a Personality that a man can feel any love for. And not, certainly, the eternal Lover, who took the initiative and fell in love with us.

Is it shocking to think of God as a pursuing lover? Then Christianity is shocking. If we accept the supernatural only as something too weak and passive to interfere with the natural, we had best call ourselves materialists and be done with it-we shall gain in honesty what we lose in respectability. Here's a test to tell if your faith is anything more than faith - and - water. Suppose that tonight the Holy Spirit lifts you high into space, speaks a message to your conscience, then invisibly tucks you back into your safe little bed again. Will you consider the possibility that this experience is genuine? Or will you conclude at once that you must be crazy, and start yelling for a psychiatrist?

And here's a more practical test-since, in all probability, very few of us will be lifted from our beds tonight. Do you think that Christianity is primarily valuable as a means of solving our " real " problem - i.e., how to build a permanently healthy, wealthy, and wise society in this world? If you do, you're at least half a materialist, and some day the Marxists may be calling you comrade.

My final will and testament

                Obituary for Robert Morton

Sunrise- November 28, 1983                    Sunset- January 1, 2010

 

Robert Morton was born to Robert Pitts and Angela Morton. Graduated from Withrow High School, in 2002. Robert always showed an interest in music, and ministry. Robert entered Central State University, in August of 2002; and majored in Political Science and Psychology. Robert was active amongst the student body, as was a resident advisor for Foundation Hall II and Williamson Hall. Always one who was concerned for the well being of others, he actively assisted in the retention of his peers and their achievement. Robert's focus was always on others to the point that he had to be reminded that he was also a student. In May, of 2007 Robert graduated from Central State University with a B.S. and B.A. in Psychology and Political Science respectively. 2007 brought a dynamic shift Robert, he moved away from family and to the Peach State of Georgia. He enrolled in Emory University, with plans of getting his J.D and M.Div degree's. He united with Beulah Missionary Baptist Church under the Pastorate of Rev. Jerry D. Black. He leaves to cherish his ministry and life, his parents, Robert(Carmen) Pitts Jr., Angela Morton, Grandparents, LaVera Durham, Vince Morton; Robert Pitts Sr. ; Rose Thompson. Brothers, Michael, Rico Morton, Juan Whittaker, Amir Pitts; sisters, Angela Y. Morton, twins. A host of nephews, cousin and relatives.

It is my express wish to be cremated and have my remains scattered. I don't wish to have a funeral service of any caliber, I lived alone, those who had a chance to tell me how they did, did so or did not, and there is no logical reason for people to waste time in the house of God, shedding pseudo tears for someone, no one cared to call and check on. If death has become my life, allow me to go in peace, and cherish what few memories there are. Allow me the decency to die in peace, since I did not live in it. These are my express and intentional wishes; please destroy all papers that I have, give my books to Central State University library. All my clothing is to be given to Beulah church, for distribution to needy families. Any other material possessions are to be given to the goodwill. Any money that is left should be donated to Beulah to continue their mission in assisting those in need. Give my money away freely; nothing that I had was mines to keep. Lastly, my name and estate is to be given to the state of Louisiana as a trust; to aid in bringing back African American hurricane Katrina victims and giving them a home. Not one penny of my money, now or future is to be given to any living relative, other than my nephews. Eternally my own… Robert Morton.