This Time......

I have been the recipient of grace and mercy over the span of 9,490 days, within this time, I have wrestled with many strong situations and several heartache's; heartbreaks and my share of brokenness. I have discovered, that there has been many times, whereas giving up would have been the easy way out. Giving up, in this aspect means, to let go of life, things and the people within in it, in effort to keep a hold of self. When one gets accustomed to midnight experiences, one either grows or diminishes in outlook on life. Either they view life from a victims perspective; seeing life as a burden, constantly hurt by people's acts and emotionally rigid; or one becomes potent in their quest not only overcome but to exceed their own expectations. Now in the span of this time, I have heard some things that have challenged my view of God, self and time. I could not and would not be honest with you if I submitted in the radius of these words a confession that ; God has never faced the auctioning block in my mind and heart. In the midnight hours, away from clash and clamor of our inner circles, far away from the noise of our conscious; one wrestles with the divine-ness of our creator; does he exist, is there one who in the delight of the moment, created a cadre of people in his/her likeness to just watch over, be praised by, exhorted by. Is it possible that God is a narcissist totally enamored with himself to the extent that he would allow me to come in this world, be broken by the people and issues of this world; give me a mind to think; in essence, thinking to a point of isolation; thinking to place of ultimate solitary. What is there about this relationship between God and man, that allows man to breathe the sweet and savor the taste of ultimate freedom, but somehow or another be engendered with an untimely call towards a higher power. To most this note wont make sense; to them life is simple as waking, breaking and baking. Yet for me, i live constantly in-between several inescapable realities. One is my ultimate incline for a better tomorrow; then there is the matter of keeping the faith, against all odds, that is a strange suggestion to say the least. I have often wondered, when I find myself in a volatile situation, will my real faith stand up. Two of my Inescapable realities is living in between the established "life is" examined and explicated by Langston Hughes "Mother to Son" and the "If" that Rudyard educated us about. Living in between those two dimensions can become a struggle, but not one that is not worth living nevertheless. To be Continued