Some things to Ponder

I wrestle with myself on a daily basis. I am sure God has to have something in store for me. I feel more lost now than found. I sing his praises, I utter his word, even when I dont see revealed truth. I know you all often read this and say, why is this boy always ranting about stress, I must admit, I, am fond of Jeremiah, for not being willing, to shut in his distress with God's uneven hand. I burden so much in life, and attempt to carry others burdens up the hill only to stumble myself. I often prided myself on the inability of people to handle me, now I sit frustrated here in Atlanta another summer in a similar situation as last. Where is the progression, what am I doing wrong, what should I do? are all constant rings in this telephone of life. I attempt to live a life that is worth something, doing what I choose not to do, for the sake of the cross, yet I sit in a downtrodden position in life, not being able to live with some of the basics. I spoke candidly this summer with someone that I am hurt that there is no earthly person that I confide in, its easy to say thats my fault, but if a person does not show the heart of you, why would you trust them with your innermost portion. These words are words of a person who has expierienced life from the dung filled dungeons of life, and it has been only my imagination and aspirations that have kept me above water. I dont know how to minister to the broken, because of my brokeness, I feel that my life is empty in so many aspects,yet people still call and say that they recieve a word. Well, I ponder now, Lord where is my prophetic anedote, where is my word, telling me that there is a brighter day ahead, Where is my revelation of a better tomorrow, why must my pillow soak every night, when I am attempting to live right and be obedient. I dont expect many people to read this, because some are not here yet in life, I try my best to listen to the hearts of others, only to wonder who listens to my heart other than the walls of confinement, that I call my home. I sense thoughts of total isolation at times, am I to be like this all my life? I dont know, and what hit heart was the MJ story, I wonder how did he feel, not being able to trust anyone, how did it feel to known but not heard. I dont know maybe this is a extended year season that I am wrestling with, but it seems longer than a midnight, I have not seen morning in awhile, it would feel good to wake up and feel happy about leaving my bed, walk outside and enjoy the beauty of his creation, but I am stuck in a fix that wont let me go. Thanks for reading what I wrote, means alot seriously.